So.. I'm about to become a Dad in a matter of weeks!
And it's at this point you can't help but think... what will my child be like?
Will it take after me? Will it look like me? Will it behave like me?
If you remember what happened to me back in April (and by the way it's still touring with Beyonce now on her World Tour don't forget!) then maybe this is glimpse of the future...
If you're annoyed with Derren Brown this morning (or annoyed with yourself for having stayed up late when you knew you had to get up early, just to watch his stupid wizard ways)(or annoyed because your wife says he's quite hot.. when you know that he's just managed to somehow brainwash her..) then let this be your antedote.
It's singer Pete Yorn with that nice girl in the pants in that film with the bloke from Ghostbusters. Anyway it's a great song (there's a whole album to come) and a great video and I can't decide whether that's her real singing voice or if she's just trying to be Bridgette Bardot and I don't know whether those looks she gives are for real or not, because after all and she's an actress and therefore untrustworthy and thus much the same as Derren Brown, except I don't want to see him in his pants in a Tokyo hotel window. Unless he's about to jump from it.
So, you know when a newspaper prints something in error and they have to make an apology in a later edition... Well, this is from The Sun.
"In an article published under the headline 'Golum joker killed in live rail horror', we incorrectly stated that Julian Brooker, 23, of Brighton, was blown 15ft into the air after accidentally touching a live railway line. His parents have asked us to make clear that he was not turned into a fireball and was not obsessed with the number 23. Julian's mother did not say, during or after the inquest, that her son often got on all fours creeping round the house pretending to be Gollum."
I hope he enjoys it more than the cat in the picture on the box itself.
Look at it. That face says "WHAT? NEVER SEEN A CAT POO BEFORE?! Honestly! Leave me alone! Go on! How would you like it if I hung around outside the bathroom door waiting to take post-dump photos of your face?! You're worse than the Paparazzi. You're the Pooparazzi! Honestly, I wouldn't sleep well tonight if I were you, you might wake up with a dead mouse in your ear. Besides, I wouldn't go in there for a while if I were you..."
The final layouts of the children's book I've been working on are done and dusted and uploading to Badger Publishing as I speak.
Badger then collects them all overnight (he's nocturnal) and checks through them and fingers crossed he'll pass them on to his printer! He's lovely. Thank you Badger for not getting grumpy with me for taking so long in finishing this. I can't wait to see it!
In other news, I've finished being Sir Steve and The Hertbeat Apprentice has been picked. Apprentice Carl starts his show next Monday but is doing a blog of his apprenticeship and all the behind scenes build up at the moment. He's gonna be great, it's a real pleasure working with him.
Oh and I got a message today from a listener, it was quite long so I'll paraphrase but it went "Sir Steve (brilliant by the way, I don't want to let it go), you know that Badger you have that's publishing your book, do you think he'd be able to do mine? Is he busy?".
Never pick a fight with the tupperware in your tupperware cupboard.
Nothing good can ever come from it.
Instead why not install huge glass shelves right across your kitchen on which to display your collection in all their glory? It will look so lovely you'll soon even forget your family are in the room. However, you'll also have a scary look on your face forever as you gingerly watch that stack of tubs daring them to fall (which they will, it's what tupperware does best), whilst wishing you'd not agreed to have your right arm surgically replaced with two giant white plastic containers when that tupperware party got a little bit crazy last Tuesday - no matter how handy they are for leftovers and no matter how 'stay fresh' you elbow now is. Deal with it. With tupperware, you will always lose.
Little did we know when we donned our leotards for our Beyonce tribute video back in February that it'd still be showing its ugly head (and lets face it, showing an awful lot more too) six months later.
Last week I got e-mails from quite a few listeners giving me the news: our video was being featured in Beyonce's world tour.
WORLD TOUR.
Our video. On her world tour. That's at least 22 European dates (with more just booked for November!) along with a cross States visit next month. Each concert has about 20,000 spectators. 20,000 pairs of eyes who stare up at the biggest screen you've ever seen as a montage of Single Ladies tribute videos begins. And about 40 seconds through they will see... us.
Myself, Chris and Dawn in our studio (the Hertbeat logo has never been seen by so many people!) and then posing in our leotards.
So it's official. Our's is the only breakfast show in the world hosted by Beyonce's backing dancers. We are on a World Tour. You hear our voices. On a World Tour!
Don't believe me? Here's some evidence. Sadly you don't see that part in the video where we're punching down or for that matter the bit where I crouch down staring at the camera and it looks like I've done a little poo on the floor - but then there's probably health and safety aspects to inflicting that on too many people.
How did this happen? Well, we did submit it to a Beyonce competition for tribute videos so it's not great surprise as such. But the really incredible thing here is: our jiffy bag was opened in an office on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. Someone took our DVD out of the packet and put it in to their PC. They watched it. They called someone else over, they watched it. They ticked a sheet. More people watched it. Ultimately even Beyonce watched it. Now... hundreds of thousands if not millions of people will see it. I like to think it's like a diplomatic dancing mission. Our posing in leotards is bringing all of these nations together. I wouldn't be surprised if this time next year we've won the Nobel Peace Prize. Nothing surprises me anymore.
