The Rogue Nose Hair

I have a rogue nose hair.

I blew my nose on Monday and there it was: this long dark nasal hair dangling a centimetre down from my right nostril. Thick and black and menacing.

I gasped and quickly reached for the little scissors required for such extraction.

When I looked up... it had gone. Vanished.

I investigated with a good old rummage but to my horror it had disappeared. AWOL.

The awful thing is, this hair now had a grip over me. What did it want? It was threatening to bungee bogey at anytime in public.

Then two days later.. IT WAS BACK! Like a rhinoRapunzel had let down her hair in a nightmare hairytale.

Again I reached for my weapon. This time I only took my eyes of it for a second but as I refocused on the enemy it had retreated once more, lurking in its cave. I half expected to receive a video taped message from it listing its demands.

So that's where I'm at. A rogue hair. Where does it go? What's it doing? Is there an imp in my brain using hair as a fishing rod? Lowering it occasionally looking for food?

Where are you? It's like a modern day metrosexual version of Jaws. This monster in the deep occasionally surfacing to scare all on the outside before retreating, relishing the hunt.

I need to channel Roy Scheider.  I'm going back to the bathroom now and I'm not coming out without my trophy. "Come on!", I'll scream, "I've got something for ya' now! That's it! Attaboy, come on! Right over here! OPEN WIDE! SAY AAH!"